Eh.

I have many big dreams, bigger than how you would imagine it would be. I would daydream that I led a happy life, drive luxurious cars and live in a big house with my own swimming pool and a gym, and maybe a cinema and a karaoke room.

My best daydream is still to get my hands on RM1million one day. Invest it, make the money grow, and be as rich until I can't keep track anymore. I'd probably buy a big house; a mansion, and have my parents and siblings and cousins and aunties and uncles to live with me. I really would love that, it'll be (literally) a dream come true. I still like my Kenari so prolly I will stick with it; but I will definitely buy a new car...Or cars. :D I'd give money to my brother who wants to open a BB Range, and to my sister who then can own her own kindergarten, and to my mummy who'd open her very own Nasi Lemak restaurant. My daddy doesn't have big dreams, but whatever he wants, I'll give. And then of course, this is how I fantasize my life would be.

Here I am sitting in my home living hall, typing on this Dell laptop that Daddy bought with his hard-earned money, feeling cold under the fan and because it's raining outside. I should probably be more than thankful to even have a laptop to play with - ahh and yet I'm demanding for a new desktop. Maybe I am asking too much.

And then here I am thinking about the collection of DVDs I have stored up in my room, which I hardly use them anymore. And my 3 mobile phones that are all still usable.

My point is this, today, like fate had brought me, I scrolled to Rumah Hope's website. (www.rumahhope.org/) I read through every tabs in that page, word by word. From a beginning of 5 children, neglected and unloved, there are at least 60 or more children now living in that home, all probably wishing they're here in my seat.

My heart almost cried when I see the pictures of these children - they all look so happy on the outside, but under that layer of a smiling face, there is a slight pinch of pain and sadness, something that I can never describe. Somehow, some where in my heart, I feel this pain stabbing my heart, as if I'm feeling what they're feeling.

They do not asked to be abandoned, neither did they asked to be born and then neglected, they never thought they'd live with children who shares the same fate as them, unlike me, so richly blessed. They never asked to be abuse, to be beaten, to be rejected, to be unloved.

Looking at the pictures and reflecting what terrible past they might have had before living in Rumah Hope, I can hardly see how hard it must be for them, and most of them are barely 10 years of age, and some of my age.

Gosh.. what they had gone through I cannot imagine, but I do hope one day I have enough strength and compassion to reach out to these children.

And I cannot help but to think of how many cases are there of abandoning of newborns, some left to die, and some just left as if it were a toy doll. It pains me so much, till there was a point when I actually said, "If you don't want the baby, at least just give it to me, I really rather would take care of the baby.." The mistakes that we, the people who can rationalize, and can act freely, are the ones that caused all these pain that we dare not face, and forced to avoid. These are the things that we have to avoid, think about the abandon babies, think about how they'd grow up, and ending up staying in places like Rumah Hope instead of a steady home. Erh, it really pains me..

To everyone who comes across this page, please, take responsibility for everything you're doing, especially when it involves another life. Children are God's greatest gift of all.

<3