It was harder than I thought, trying to put the fire out. I fed it water, sand, and more water. Just when the flames got smaller and I thought to myself, "Ah well, finally it is ending," then a piece of paper flew into the flame, and the fire suddenly became bigger, lighting up that dark night. And there I was again, trying to put the fire out.
No, this blog isn't private, but it does contain my thoughts and my feelings about life and everything else in it.
I haven't written in a while, but as these words are being punched out, I'm feeling a little slightly relieve from a burden that I never realized I carried.
With almost 7 billion different kind of people in the world, why should we all be surprise at all when one day down the road we meet someone who doesn't throw us off our feet, but instead stop on our tracks and feel like the end of the world is where your next foot lands if you were to continue walking along. I guess it's pretty safe to say that as people, we are given the fullest opportunity to sound our mind, take a step back and think of things in life that sometimes, though we've heard happened before in the next table in a coffee shop, happening to us.
Since I was in high school, I knew moving along from a past won't be easy. Nothing is ever easy in the world; easy is only temporary. I used to advise my little brother then to move on from his puppy love, and keep reminding him that there are other fishes in the sea, and butterflies in the garden. It was not until it happened to me that I realized saying is easier than making it happen. I remember this clearly as I sat on my bed crying, and telling myself it is over and it was not even worth the tears that were soaking my towel. And yet, I knew those words of comfort goes a long way from making it come true. There is a saying, "Time will heal." I'm not denying that, it does take time to heal. It takes time to forget that pain, to forget the loss, or to forget that regret. But I used to tell myself, "Five years from now when I remember this particular event that made me cry my eyes out, I will feel better about it, and would probably smile as I think about me being right five years ago". And yes, I've been there before, and I realized I was right when I told myself just that.
Today is no different, I tell myself that people will talk, and we cannot stop them from talking. I used to mention this statement that I really liked, and I still do, because I still oh-so-ever still believe in it, probably due to the fact that it is true: "Everyone will always talk about someone, but aren't we a someone to everyone else?" Point is: We'll always be talked about, whether we like it or not. Sure most of them are judgmental, may be even the cold hard truth that hurt us, but sad to say that that is the way it is. Some times we hear of things of us that are constructive, and that can make us a better person when we realized that it is true and when we humble ourselves to accept that fact. Did I mention that we are all not perfect? There is bound to be an imperfection in every perfection. Some times, to balance things out, we hear things about us that just doesn't have a reason to it at all; a gossip, or a rumor. Though this is one typical habit most of us have, to sit down over a yumcha session and then 'POP!' comes out a rumor that you heard yesterday. Many a times rumors are being exaggerated and have twisted tale, and this is how a rumor always end up being: a rumor: of twisted talk and a bunch of gossip. And then when these rumor reach our ears and we realize that it is not the true story of it, well, that's the one sad thing about rumors: you cannot stop them, neither can you correct them.
If the saying 'Old habits die hard', then watch this, 'Old rumors won't die'.
No, they won't. They will keep spreading, though years have past, or even if that person is already 6 feet under, once in a while a rumor will come across one's lips just for old times' sake.
All that being mentioned, there is another part of life I would really like to bring up. Here's a few sayings as a soft introduction: 'Strangers are friends you haven't met", "Friends are like a bunch of grapes; there are good grapes and then there are bad grapes", and , "Friends are like stars. You may not see them, but they are always there."
Ah, friends. Friends are so important because when you're sad, they'll back you up. They're like your parents, just way cooler and way open, and they don't bug you nor yell at you.
I feel as if some people take friends on Facebook way too seriously. I mean, by deleting one of your friends on Facebook doesn't mean you delete them off your life, though at times when you delete someone off, you'd probably feel a little better. But, that's not the point.
My main point is actually my second saying. I began to realize that some friends are two-faced, and some are pleasantly nice, and some are genuine, and some are just jerks that deserved to be ignored, back when I was in high school (Yes I learn a lot in those 5 years). Two friends were talking and they seemed to enjoy each other's company, until one of them came telling me how he hates it when she hangs out with him and tell him stories that bored him. I knew she trusted him more than she trusted anyone else, and though he is a good friend of mine, I didn't pointed it at his face that he was being a two-faced friend, but that made me feel that I should be careful who I pick as friends.
I guess it is wrong to say that we should judge a person by the first impression, but first impressions are important. Neither should we judge a person by the way he looks or by the way he dresses, or simply by his skin color, or whether if he is too ugly to look at.
Many, many times, I judged a person wrongly. I judged them based on their attitude, and the way they talk, or simply by the way they bring themselves. I try every and most of the time not to judge a person that I am not close to just because of a rumor I heard over dinner table in a Chinese kopitiam. I have this one experience in high school that taught me a huge amount of lesson. Two guy friends were quarreling, and one of them told a girlfriend of mine that the other guy is the bad guy; he smoked, and he joined a gang, and he made use of himself. When this rumor reached my ear, I asked my girlfriend if it was true. And I asked her, "Are you sure he smokes and joined a gang?" She said without a doubt, "Yes, because our friend told us so." And I asked her, "Did you ever see him smoke before?" She said no, and added, "But I trust that he is not lying about him smoking." I did not want to believe her, and therefore I left it as it is. About a week later, this guy came to me apologizing, he said he had made up that rumor about him smoking and joining a gang because he was really mad at him. From then on, I knew I shouldn't ever, listen to a rumor, or if I happen to, I'd best get the story both sides.
Years past since the lesson I learnt, and sometimes I do not think to follow it, and now, I try hard to get the story from both sides.
Bottom line is, if you do not know a person well enough, do not be the first to judge them; but ironically, it is because you do not know that person well enough is why you judged them in the first place.
